Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (2022)

Sonic’s long awaited appearance in the movies was at first struck by that now infamously hideous trailer, that led to a COMPLETE REVISION OF THE MOVIE (FX wise, anyway). Then, with newly animated and fan-endorsed Sonic CG-puppet taking the lead, the film came out. And surprised everyone. Most people. By not being rubbish.

You may or not know that (nearly) all films based on video games are awful, or adored by minority cults. Some, i guess, are acceptable blockbuster nonsenses. Please see Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Super Mario Bros (!) or even the Resident Evil franchises.

Anyway, despite the fans it narked off by creating new lore – how dare it – in the form of some Owl clan and mother figure Longclaw – Sonic 1 made off with some hefty accolades, such as “Much better than Expected” (culturemap) and “hilarious” (seventh art studio). My own review in my diary of 2020 says, and i quote: “its this years Detective Pikachu” (which was BRILLIANT).

Anyway, its sequel time.

Sonic is batmanning it through life now as The Blue Justice, but he’s not very good at it, cue a James Marsden speech about responsibility to others, and to family. (yawn). However, Dr Robotnik has returned from the Mushroom Planet (not kingdom) to exact revenge, and he’s brought his vengeful big red echidna of rage Knuckles with him. Thankfully Sonic has a new friend – who was teased at the end of movie numero uno – Tails, the two-tailed Fox.

So what follows is a ridiculous tale of excellent (CG) pacy action, comedy wise cracks, UTTERLY OVER THE TOP PERFORMANCES and MASSIVELY OVERBLOWN THEMES OF FAMILY AND FRIENDSHIP. However, its a kids film, dammit. Who needs subtlety when you can have uproarious guffaws at the word “buttcopter”.

Ben Schwarz is once again pitch perfect as the fast-talking sonic speed hedgehog, delivering one of my favourite lines of 2022 so far;

“so whats with Clifford the Big Red Rage Dog??”

Tales is a nice wee way of bringing the stereotypical nerdy childhood trope into the movie, neatly matching the general theme of being weird is good, plus he was my favourite character from the videogames (he’s a cute little fox! with two tails! with TWO TAILS!! he can fly like a helicopter! He’s freaking awesome!)

Knuckles is a fuck-off cool Echidna played by Idris Elba, although doesn’t resemble an echidna AT ALL. But i’ll downplay my zoological inaccuracy card in favour of allowing a fox to have two tails. Knuckles does indeed, btw, have massive powerful Knuckles. He is the films secondary antagonist. Sort of.

Jim Carrey returns with as much scene chewing gusto as Ace Ventura overdosing on caffeine combined with fletcher reed overdosing on world domination and with an injection of pure, unadulterated Jim Carrey silliness. This is no Oscars performance. This is cartoon hilarity; child-pleasing daftness splayed to 1000%. The kids will love him.

BUT it can’t all be roses, unfortunately, and here are my woes. Chiefly, the humans. Yeah, the ones that aren’t Jim and his barista sidekick. I even like James Marsden. I do not, however, want to spend ten minutes of the film without Sonic (or Tails, or Knuckles), following the scorned bride of the guy from one of the CSIs or something, who is the sister of James Marsden’s wife. We follow her screaming rage monster as she beats up and then falls immediately back in love with (Sorry, spoiler) her undercover husband in poorly titled Operation Catfish, which the FBI was using to get close to Sonic. I think. Anyway, fuck off humans. Wheres my supersonic hedgehog?

OH speaking of supersonic…well, go see the film.

Oh, and scriptwriters? Appealing to adults doesn’t mean giving Sonic and his pals lines like “Holy sshhhhhh…” and then replacing the ….iitt!! with another word beginning with s. Same goes for the F word. Or the C word. There are funnier ways to making us older people laugh. Like…(par example)… giving the 900 foot robotnik monster a marilyn manson victory dance. Spot on.

And yes, theres a post credits. I had it written down it would be Metal Sonic. I was…soooooo close. Roll on Sonic 3.

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