THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS, AS THEY ARE NECESSARY TO EXPLAIN MY FEELINGS TOWARDS THIS FILM.
I don’t even know where to start. I confess, I was taken in by the hype for this movie. I mean, whats not to love – Michael Keaton is back as Batman, and he, in my eyes, is the definitive Batman. There have been unfortunate goings on with the lead actor, Ezra Miller, but i’m still willing to give it a go.
The only obvious negative I could level at the film before its release is the removal of Henry Cavill;’s Superman cameo, but I might be slightly biased about that.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it. I have thought about this film a lot since I saw it and, every time I reconsider it, something else reminds me that I absolutely didn’t like it.
The Flash (2023) takes the story of the Flashpoint Paradox, in which Barry Allan (the Flash) finds out he can run so fast he can travel in time, so obviously he travels back and saves his mother being murdered and his father from being imprisoned for the crime. This creates an alternate future in which Superman is not the defender of the Earth and Batman is an embittered, washed out recluse. Cue Barry getting Batman’s mojo back, finding Superman and putting things right which once went wrong.
The movie takes this story and takes all the best bits from it, adding its own flavour of drama. Not only does the paradox alter the future, but it also threatens to bring about the destruction of the multiverse (the what? Wasn’t that what Across the Spiderverse was about? And the whole arc of the MCU right now?). Also, its not Superman, he was killed – now its Supergirl. And Zod is on the warpath just as he was in the events of Man of Steel.
I genuinely think the Supergirl twist was good. We haven’t had a Supergirl in the DCU yet – Melissa Benoist has her TV show, which is excellent (for the most part), and Helen Slater was perfect in the role in the original movie. This version of Supergirl is sassy, sexy and vulnerable.
Here we go, a complaint. What was with the Supergirl thing? She outright declares shes not going to help Barry and Barry (theres two of them) and Batman but then immediately thereafter crawls back to save Barry’s life as if theres an unbroken, eternal bond between them. Bad storytelling, bad filmaking.
The problem is, because of all the nonsence regarding Superman’s exclusion from the film, it just felt wrong that Supergirl was here instead of him. I truly believe that if Henry Cavill had made appearance then the Supergirl plotline would have landed better. Especially considering that Supergirl is actually a brilliant character, and the actress nails it – I love the outfit too.
The film suffers greatly from a complete lack of skill in the CGI department. With Avatar: Way of Water currently showing what CGI can do, so why is the speed force full of uncanny valley humanoids that are actually worse than The Polar Express?? I have watched numerous reels and tiktoks from the VizFX people saying it wasn’t their fault, it was studio pressure – but that doesn’t forgive CGI that has been likened to “PS2 visuals”, and that particular console was out 23 years ago. My age old argument comes into play. Jurassic Park had better special effects, and that was out 30 years ago. And if you want to talk massive amounts of CGI, then.. well, Starship Troopers was 1997. The Phantom Menace, in 1999 had mind blowing CGI that stands up today. No excuse, DC.
The unfortunate thing about this film is that its about 30mins of awesome. Michael Keaton’s dive out of his Batwing is perfect cinema. Some of Barry’s lines are genuinely hilarious, and, actually, Ezra Miller is perfectly acceptable during his dramatic turns. But the rest of this 2hrs 25mins monstrosity is boring, lifeless dross.
The film TRIES to win back favour with its finale. We witness the crashing multiverses, and glimpse what other versions of our heroes would be / have been. So we get to hear Adam West’s Batman, we get to see George Reeves – the first Superman on TV – then we get to see Jay Garret’s Flash, also seen in the Arrowverse – then we get fricking Christopher Reeve (THE BEST SUPERMAN) and Helen Slater’s Supergirl…
…and then we get Nicolas Cage.
I don’t really know how I reacted. It was a great idea – Cage was so close to becoming Superman in a project written by Kevin Smith and purportedly directed by Tim Burton – so this is a nice acknowledgement of that, but…well. The CGI was so damn bad. Yes, it was recognisably Cage, and of course I was excited to see him… but not his badly animated de-aged face. The whole sequence would look bloody phenomenal on paper, but falls rather flat in the final edit.
Another gripe is that by exclusion they highlighted who wasn’t there. No Christian Bale, no Val Kilmer. No Brandon Routh. No Green Lantern. No Grant Gustin (despite Ezra’s Flash appearance in the CW’s Elseworlds crossover). Heck, while we’re at it, no Lynda Carter (although we did get a very brief appearance by Gal Gadot). The Justice League were all together at one point – except Superman, because he was off saving a volcano in Honalulu or something.
The biggest surprise was the final decision, and final twist, of the whole movie. Bruce Wayne emerging from the car…and being George Clooney. A wonderful hark back to the underated silliness that was Batman and Robin – but even that travesty of cinema trumps some of our current comic book translations. (Love and Thunder, i’m looking at you).
This ending is a clear statement that things have changed at DC. Ben Affleck has gone, Henry Cavill has gone. Yet, some things stay the same. Such as…
Jason Mamoa was apparently in a post-credits scene, but to be honest, I didn’t stay for it. I wanted out of there as fast as I could so I could decompress what i’d just been subjected to. I’m not really excited at all for the Aquaman sequel this Christmas, and i’m even less excited for whatever rubbish the universe concocts after that.
Yeah sorry, another Henry Cavill rant. Somebody on some social media channel nailed it with his explanation. Why get rid of Superman but not the Flash, or Wonder Woman? If you were going to recast everyone then announce that! Don’t shove Henry under the bus by himself.
The age of the superhero movie has passed. The age of the multiverses of madness and cinematic disasters is in full flow.
I’m going to go and watch Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. Disheartened sigh.
the FANGG of HORROR ROCK 