The Game is afoot. And mine hurts.

I woke on sunday morning to neck spasm and agony. Literally three hours of intense neck pain and frenzied inability to sleep. It was horrendous. I was so close to phoning an ambulance, or at least someone to run me to the hospital. In my hallucinating sleep-deprived pain state i checked webmd for my symptoms and discovered i had acute somethingsomething neuralgia. OH NO i declared, only to read on and find it means pinched nerve. Clearly i slept funny, and there was no ha ha this time.

Anyway, that was my productive sunday down the drain; instead of looking up writing jobs and trying to finish my various projects – like “Running Out of Space”, “Dr Who: The Crystals of Time”, “The Pandora Men: It Begins”, my novel “The Adventurations of Finchely Chase” or any of my innummerable short stories in progress like “Humanity Extraction”, “Death to the Twitterverse” or even any of my narrative memoirs “Duck Food / Cinemonkeys / The Intervineous Line / Wealth and Hellfire / Pink Shampoo” – i decided to lie and wallow on my couch and play Assassins Creed: Valhalla.

I’ve just found all the synchronisation points in Kent, thanks for asking. Think i’m venturing to Jorvik next. Either there or Winchester. My favourite pastime is eviscerating Zealots.

My Monday morning it had cleared up and i dutifully went to work.

Morning afternoon i was limping. I must have jiggered my pre-broken foot at some point jumping in and out of the blasted forklift. So whilst watching Wednesday (on Monday) i was in mild pain. Fortunately, gammon steak and chips distracted me.

Then Tuesday morning comes about and lo! Put weight on my foot i could not; not without lightening agony striking through my body like…well, electricity. So after sleep until 12 (clearly needing it, considering i haven’t slept well in about a week) – i migrated (on my knees) to…you’ve guessed it…the couch. And i started playing … you guessed it … valhalla. By dinner time i had climbed the Dover Cliffs, finished the Cave of Trials and killed another fucking zealot or two. I’d even assassinated two of the Order. Praying that my foot would have healed enough by the morning, i then finished the day with tempura pollock and chips and four episodes of the awesome Doc Martin. I may fancy Caroline Catz. In fact i’m sure of it.

Wednesdays here now and i am in pain at work. No Assassins, just backstabbing maniacs and f’tons of trout. Yippee kai ay, Milovaig’er!

Tonight i need to buy Fizzy Drinks. I have an addiction to both them and Assassins Creed. Neither of these addictions are good, but they’re getting me through life right now.

Oh and top it all of, I have Haemorrhoids. Conversation killer.