If I Were a Potato

I draw your attention to a story i noticed on my info-feed this morning. A couple found a growth amongst their potato patch, a humungous organic agglomerate, and assuming it was a potato from their potato patch, submitted it to a competition and to the Guiness World Records. Now, of course, it turns out not to be a potato. I don’t know what it was eventually because i’m not subscribed to the NY Times – but the point it is the headline chosen for the news story was this:

“It could have been the world’s largest potato, if it was a potato.”

Sound Spock-logic, that. If indeed i were a potato, then i would be the worlds largest potato. It leads me to think of other times i have heard this logic applied. Ed Byrne once commented on a famous tennis player; “if he was just that little bit better, he’d be the Number One.” Well, yes, Ed went on to point out, “if he was just that little bit better at tennis, then maybe he’d be number one…” I once heard a commentator squeal excitedly during a football match, “ooo if it was one foot lower it would’ve gone in!” Well, quite. That is indeed, how goals work in football. Thank you. Your intial statement adds nothing to this. It didn’t go in, it wasn’t a goal.

Could i make a point here or is this just sunday morning rambling? Hmmm well, i guess my point is, we could all be the best / biggest / smallest / most poignant at anything were indeed we were that specified construct.

If i go on to write a best-selling novel, i’ll have written a best selling novel, and i’ll have achieved another of my life goals. But i haven’t written a best seller yet, so right now i’m just an aspiring writer.

If Elon Musk buys Mars, he will be the owner of Mars. But he hasn’t, so he isn’t.

If i was a potato, then i’d be the oddest potato in the world. But i’m not, and therefore i’m not. A potato, that is. Self confessed, though, i am odd.