Tag: ncuti gatwa

Dr Who S1 – The Legend of Ruby Sunday

I’m just going to come out and say it. Theres going to be no dramatic build up in the narrative, its just going to be blunt. A sledgehammer of honesty which will tear the review asunder.

This was the best episode of Doctor Who since it was revived in 2005.

Sure, we’ve had some excellent ones – Human Nature, Time of the Angels, Blink, Fathers Day, Time Heist, Heaven Sent, Hide… Not hundreds, which is a shame given the sheer number of episodes out there that are all either hideously average or far below. But this one? This one???

The Doctor and Ruby have finally come to UNIT to ask about the continual reappearance of our favourite mysterious woman, as played by Susan Twist. Oooo are we going to get some answers? Is she the Doctor’s grand-daughter?? We meet some old faces – in particular Melanie Bush, who absolutely caused my heart to soar, because i LOVE MEL – and Rose Noble again, who is given spectacularly nothing to do in the whole episode, and UNIT’s new scientific advisor, a young child genius, and of course, Kate Stewart – who is acting completely differently to when we met her in 73 Yards (because that was probably a false reality of some kind). There seemed to be a lot of attention played to minor characters like the UNIT soldiers, but this attention pays off before the episode is out.

When the Doctor finally meets Susan Triad we discover she really isn’t his grandaughter, so thats that rumour played out…. whats going to happen next then??

Now, i suddenly realise this review needs a certain reveal to be discussed, so that i can describe it best, from my reactions to my overall feelings. SO.

I was on the edge for the entire duration. The cinematography lent soooo much gravitas to the procedures. When the TARDIS started to make that ominous noise, and the camera started to push slowly towards it, i was possibly shivering. Unfortunately i had read something at 5am in the morning with a reference to a previous Dr Who monster – the Destroyer – so i was expecting a devil’s shape to emerge from the dark clouds around our favourite time machine. (The Destroyer is an antagonist from a latter classic episode, Battlefield). However, as a result of my self-imposed misdirection, when the actual villain was revealed i swore. OUT LOUD.

Sure, i could be pedantic. The idea that Susan Triad becomes S.Triad, which is an anagram of TARDIS, is classic RTD, and yes, the Susan part is also a misdirection (to the audience – in the show it is a huge trap to lure the Doctor in). However, when it then becomes Susan Triad Technologies (a title we didn’t hear about till this episode….and then gets truncated again to Su – Tech…. SUTEKH…i don’t know, i was too excited to really care that Sutekh had gone through all the bother in creating a secret message inside his words… did he need that, really? That S.TRIAD was an anagram to trap the Doctor was good enough.

Sutekh’s visual realisation begins with a startlingly scary manisfestation into a giant roaring egyptian dog, and initially i was impressed. However, soon after, the camera seems to push in too close – creating a slightly off-centre dog face whose whole face doesn’t even fit the frame. Now, if said creature was a man in a mask, i’m fine with that – but the CGI was added AFTER the shot was filmed so couldn’t they have just made it fit the screen??? But, this is all made up for by having Gabriel Woolf – the original voice of Sutekh – back to provide the God of Death with his ominous, evil, threatening dialogue.

And can i just say… Ncuti’s look of terror is one of my lasting memories from the episode and an image that will remain in my head for years to come. Plus, the moment when he “lost his cool” is pure Ncuti-Who and a punch the air moment for having character development in a character which was created over 60 years ago. Stunning.

Hey – did i just forget to talk about actual plot? Having called UNIT out on having a time-space visualiser thing, the Doctor tells everyone through a bunch of nonsensical technobabble that they can use the machine, coupled with CCTV footage of the church on Ruby Road, and also with some of Ruby’s own memories (because memories are time, time are memories, or whatever). So they recreate the scene in which Ruby’s mother leaves baby Ruby alone and walks away in the snow… and then, terrifyingly, points at the Doctor! Then we start to see some strange goings on with the TARDIS and thats when the real story kicks in. In all honesty, this B-plot is fairly forgettable, and i kind of hope that this will get resolved satisfactorily in the finale, next week – but the history of Part Two’s in NuWho is mostly dissapointing… so we’d better not get our hopes up.

But matters not. Sutekh is back and he has given the gift of redemption to a show that really has pushed the boundaries of my loyalty over the years. Well played, Mr. T. Davies, you’ve won me back.

And whats with Mrs. Flood??

Dr Who S1 – Rogue

Lets talk about Rogue, but i warn you, the following ain’t pretty. The Doctor and Ruby arrive in ye olde england, and something is afoot. And thats just about as much of the plot you need to know before it turns out the bad guys are shape-changing chameleon aliens and theres a mysterious dude with an american accent and a pretty face.

This was, nearly, the worst episode of NuWho i’d ever seen. And it was only upon rewatching that i decided i’d overreacted. Love and Monsters still holds that accolade. Followed by every single one of Jodie Whittakers episodes bar The Witchfinders and War of the Sontarans. And guess what, readers – this won’t surprise you – it was Ncuti that saved it.

It turns out the evil aliens are ‘cosplaying’ as humans. In itself i think this is possibly a good idea, after all, we cosplay as them all the time (well, i do, and mostly Cybermen), but poorly executed. Said creatures are presumably naturally rather avian in appearance – and here we are at my first major stumbling block. So their heads are birds – but not just any birds, but Earth birds. Aliens, who look like Earth birds, by a massive coincidence. Now, i KNOW they are shapeshifters, but there was no rhyme or reason they decided to default to Owls. And is it just their heads? And where did they learns the word ‘cosplay’? It certainly wasn’t about in old england and they didn’t hear the Doctor say it… Indira Virma was a welcome surprise – but this actually scared me a little because just days before i was thinking how great a Doctor she would be – and her make up was perhaps the better of the Chuldur, quite unlike her sidekick, Herman Pigeon. On seeing this blue muppet on screen i actually laughed out loud in a mixture of disgust and outright hilarity.

But thats not why people are watching this episode, they’re watching it because its got a famous guest actor in the form of Jonathan Groff. Who was, in my quiet, honest opinion, absolutely rubbish. His chemistry with Ncuti was practically non-existent and he spent the entire episode with one facial expression. We’re supposed to believe this guy develops a bit of a crush on the Doctor (and vice versa) but all we get are exaggerated theatrics and a couple of sexy-boy glances. I wanted a smoulder! Ncuti sells it on his end, because we know so much about the Doctor and what he’s gone through, so his feelings for this potential companion are believable. But Groff’s monosyllabic stoneface performance just left me shouting “you can do better!” (at Ncuti, but also at Groff, because i know he can act and i know he can sing – it just felt like he couldn’t really be arsed and would rather be somewhere else. Like Broadway). I just read that the man had never seen Doctor Who before, and boy, does it show. I hope he remains trapped in that stupid alternate dimension.

In a later annoying scene, when Ruby gets attacked by the Chuldur, we cut away to a scream and a flash of lightening. I get it, dramatic effect, because we are led to believe poor Ruby has been drained of her energy and therefore dead. But when we see the flashback explaining her escape, there is no lightening flash, meaning it was all there just to throw the audience off. Now, thats fine but it means we were decieved unfairly. If we hadn’t seen a flash we wouldn’t have thought otherwise. Why couldn’t they have just put a flash in the flash-back? Lazy.

The real icing in the cake of negative euphoria was the bloody Bridgerton references. It absolutely threw me off. Now, let me explain. I love Bridgerton. I love Pride and Prejudice and all things victorian england. But when Ruby not once but twice compares this experience to the famous Netflix period drama, my thought was – so you think it looks like a television studio? It just takes me out – in the Gunfighters if Steven had said it looks just like The Good, The Bad and The Ugly i would have been equally annoyed. David Tennant did the same previously when he used Back to the Future (a fictional movie) to explain time travel, which just makes me feel like they couldn’t be bothered trying to explain it in an original way. Or at least spend some screentime explaining time travel in an interesting way. In Interstellar, if the guy had explained space travel by saying “Its like Event Horizon” i would have screamed. Sure, Rogue looks like Bridgerton, but did we need to be told that in the script?? Of course it looks like Bridgerton. The Talons of Weng-Chiang looks like Sherlock Holmes but does it get mentioned?? NO. It made my teeth itch, and it contributes vastly to my low opinion.

HOWEVER. Lets do some positives now. Ncuti I’ve mentioned, but he deserves another couple of sentences. He is absolutely nailing it. His passion for the project is so unmistakeable. His emotions are flowing off the screen and i truly believe in him. Millie, similarly, is brilliant, but she hardly has to prove that by now. She is my favourite companion since…wow. Since…ermm… since DONNA? Surely not?? I mean, Amy i suppose. But everyone else has got my back up. Except maybe Graham, he was a laugh.

Of course as a fan i really really enjoyed the moment we got to see all our previous doctors up on the screen. That was a proper fanboy moment and i squeeeeeeeed like the rest of them. Particularly seeing Richard E Grant, having played the iDoctor on the BBC website in Scream of the Shalka (which i always assumed was canon anyway).

Whats the season been like so far? I didn’t like Space Babies, i didn’t mind Devils Chord, i really enjoyed Boom, i quite enjoyed 73 Yards and i liked Dot and Bubble. So yeah, i guess its doing okay. Some peaks and troughs in general. The question is…. will the finale be any good? It has a lot to tie up! Will Susan Twist be the Doctor’s granddaughter? Will Mrs.Flood be the Rani? Will we find out what the Doctor’s favourite colour is??

Hype hype and hype. But will they deliver the bluster? Tune in next time….

Dr Who S1 E5 – Dot and Bubble

And thus begins Dr Who’s Black Mirror episode. We are introduced to an abundance of characters with posh, pretty faces and silly names, all existing in a world where social media is the be all and end all, and people are stagnating in their imposed luxury. Instead of face-to-face we have ditty little apps and instant messaging. Hey, we can’t even see the real world because we have a semi-opaque bubble all round our heads, shielding us from real life. And i need to remind you this is fiction – but it bloody nearly isn’t.

RTD takes this opportunity to commentate on our social situation and present a dark prediction for whats to come… and throw in some Dr Who monster nonsense too, for good measure. The monsters in question here are huge, globular slug creatures that put me in mind of Tractators, but are probably more in line with what the giant gastropods looked like. I’ve done a quick google and i can’t find any reference to the name of these hideous creatures, so we’ll stick with carnivorous slugs for the time being.

Lindy Pepper-Bean (see what i mean about silly names) is our central protagonist here, and is an excellent performance from relative newcomer Callie Cooke. Her sharp, curt dialogue makes her immediately dislikeable, and for a long time i was sort of rooting for her comeuppance. Are we really meant to empathise with this annoying character? Isn’t she a poor choice for the protagonist?

Inside her social media bubble of ignorance, she is hampered by, at first, some unknown miscreant known as the Doctor, then a slightly more persuasive character called Ruby, who is apparently part of some health and safety audit, or something. She is led to believe something wicked this way comes, and after finally dropping her bubble, she sees it. A giant carnivorous slug devouring her classmate.

Battling her own insecurities and inexperience with the outside world, she must team up with renowned celebrity Ricky September (silliest name yet) and follow the Doctor’s clues to escape.

Except. Thats not what the show is about. This is not about Lindy’s battle with the decline of society. This could happily have been a savage comment on the youth of today followed by redemption and, (Doctor Who’s forte) hope. Instead, RTD pulls an absolute blinder.

The finale is heart-stopping. The Doctor offering his help to all those poor people, only for that hand to be batted away by a population of idiotic youngsters too caught up in their own self-importance. These are spoiled, irredeemable and frankly racist brats (calling the TARDIS “voodoo”), who, if i’m honest, deserve to be fed to those rather wonderful carnivorous slugs.

The lack of Ncuti is a downside (he was filming Sex Ed) but in all honesty, this isn’t about the Doctor’s involvement. This is a statement about the world today, and lets be honest here, its not far off. Sure, we’re probably still decades off an invasion of the slug people, but we’re just seconds away from surrounding our heads in media bubbles and then being prey to a vindictive AI.

Its not a happy episode, and as a result, ends up being one of the best.

Dr Who S1 E4 – 73 Yards

Oh, i don’t really know how i feel.

The Doctor and Ruby arrive in Wales – which seems to excite the Doctor no end (i guess going to Wales is like going home? And by that i don’t mean a blasted wasteland ultimately destroyed by the Master, i mean the home of BBC Wales, production company in charge of the Whoniverse) – and then seconds later the Doctor has trodden on a fairy circle. Thats two episodes in a row the Doctor has triggered the plot by stepping on something he shouldn’t’ve. Maybe he should go to Specsavers.

Anyway, the Doctor has vanished, and Ruby sees a strange woman standing on the horizon. However, when Ruby tries to approach – maybe she’s seen where the Doc went – then she appears further away. Almost the same distance away, as it turns out. So… is Ruby alone?

Basically what follows is a summary of the rest of Ruby’s life, “abandoned” by the Doctor. And then every person that ever comes in contact with the strange woman, who never leaves but always remains, is suddenly terrified of Ruby for no reason. And this isn’t just randoms in the street – this includes her loving mother.

This episode begins in quite possibly the most unsettling way of all. Forget the disappearance of the Doctor, forget being completely ostracized by everyone you’ve ever loved, forget even being stalked by a mysterious stranger your entire life. No, take away the Doctor Who title sequence and your heart starts to palpitate and your soul threatens to evict itself.

I’m not being funny – i was in a constant state of anxious distress for the whole runtime and its not just because of Millie Gibson’s performance (exceptional as it was) – its because there was no dum-de-dum and a show of the TARDIS spiralling through psychedlic clouds… I actually stopped and rewound to watch the names pop up on the screen like it was an episode of Shetland, and point them out in stunned disbelief to my best friend. This must be one of the only episodes without a titles sequence – if not THE only.

But i mentioned Millie Gibson. Astounding. Its a gamble making your companion the central character, particularly when the actor playing the Doctor is simply phenomenal, but this one plays off. Millie is captivating throughout, and her fear, anguish and eventual complacence was a joy to watch. There is a great journey here, and Ruby’s decision to take life by the horns and make a difference is an showcase of character development.

The whole thing is steeped in folklore, and this is nice considering we were promised a rather more supernatural-centric series… but given that Space Babies and Boom were very distinctly high science fiction, i wasn’t sure if this was an empty declaration or not. I don’t know if the folklore is accurate: i’m not Welsh. Now, if you asked me about the Cait Sith of Dunvegan or the Dithreach of Glen Etive then i’d tell you about salt circles or howling winds – but Welsh folklore is still a mystery. 73 yards – the title and the exact distance to Ruby’s strange apparition – has been stated by RTD as “enough distance so you can’t make out her features (leading to the reveal)” but also “not as long as a football field”, which plays into the plot. This makes me think the 73 yards thing isn’t in the folklore, but i’m certain the fairy circles are. I should say, i absolutely love folklore. Just check out chaosbox.uk for proof!

I’ve said a lot of great things about this episode, which may have led you to the conclusion that i loved it. The simple truth is i loved MOST of it: but the finale and lack of explanation somewhat dirty my opinion. Like… what were the gestures then? Why was the woman gesticulating so? I get it – from a visual point of view, and maybe even from a narrative one, the ending is fine – but those here who are a bit more analytical… well, not so much. However, given that its all a bit weird and fairy-taily, i’m not really going to condemn the episode for being a bit strange.

Above all, Millie Gibson was amazing.

Dr Who S1 E3 – Boom

“Ncuti Gatwa is an imbecile!”

Now, i’m loving that there will be a contingent of people out there who actually know why i just shouted that. Its not because he’s an imbecile, its for a far deeper, far more fanboy reason. For those that don’t get it, ignore me, i’m weird.

Apparently in an interview a good while ago, Steven Moffat actually gave away the title of his episode – well, that passed me by. I knew the title when it appeared on screen – and knowing very little of the plot save the Next Time trailer last week, i could only assume there was going to be a bomb involved.

The Doctor and Ruby arrive on a blasted heath of a world, and on hearing screams, The Doc rushes out to do what he does best – put right what once went wrong, and generally do good egg things. However, in his exuberance, he finds himself with one foot on a mine and with some kind of biology scanner trying to work out if he’s real or not.

The stakes here are surely just the Doctor’s life, right? NO. Moffat manages to escalate the potential cataclysm by using some nonsensical timey-wimey energy thing that means if Ncuti does decide to leap a hundred feet in the air and scatter himself over a wide area, said explosion would probably tear the entire planet in half. Ooft, indeed.

You would think spending an entire episode standing on one foot to be a challenge for any actor, but Ncuti’s performance does not let up. I was particularly moved by his tears – of desperation, of sorrow, of helplessness, of guilt – and theres an emotional gut punch midway that delivers. The man is simply the best thing about the show.

Guest characters include young Caoilinn Springall as “Splice” whose father we discover was the victim of the bomb in the opening gambit, but Varada Sethu in particular is causing a bit of a stir… because she is the companion-to-be in a whole seasons time. So, basically, what they’re doing is repeating the way they introduced Clara way back in “Asylum of the Daleks“. Am i impressed by their retreading of a previous idea? Well, the problem is we KNEW about Varada’s involvement. Could we not have kept it all a big secret so the reappearance of her later was even more surprising? Anyway, another guest appearance was Susan Twist as the “villain” of the piece – an ambulance run by a computer algorithm that is, ultimately, providing a casualties because it doesn’t know there isn’t actually a war (which is in itself a really nice, science fiction concept). This is Susan Twist’s fifth credit so there is absolutely no way this is coincidental. RTD has a plan and we’re seeing it play out in front of us. Is the Twist that Susan is returning?

Said rumour is further amplified by some of the dialogue. With his life in danger, The Doctor appeals to the hologram computer resonant of Splice’s recently deceased father (who may be able to infiltrate and rewrite the enemy algorithm) using a parent-parent plea. We’ve not heard the Doctor talk about his family very often – the mention of his grandaughter in the last episode was a welcome rarity – so is something else going on? Of course, RTD has been exploring the themes of family this whole season, particularly his affinity to Ruby because they ‘are both orphans’.

The resolution isn’t ideal – a little too much technobabble and exposition – but it doesn’t take away from the emotional journey across the episode.

It feels like a low budget episode because, really, the action all takes place in one big dirty bunker. But this is not a complaint. Some of the my favourite episodes of TV have been cramped, “cheap” bottle episodes. See “Macrocosm” from Star Trek Voyager, and “Shuttlepod One” (one of my favourite episodes of all TV ever) from Star Trek: Enterprise. A limit on locations and even cast requires more innovation when it comes to storytelling and brings out the best in the performers.

In other words, happily the best episode yet. This is a darker Whopisode, and if we have a couple more of them in the season before its finale, i might forgive the silliness in the rest of them. Forgive is a big word. “Hate them less”, is more apt.

Oh, and in the words of Jake Peralta, Ncuti Gatwa is “da bomb”.

Dr Who S1 E2 – The Devil’s Chord

We have known about one particular thing about this episode for some time. Maybe we didn’t know it was going to be this exact episode, but Jinkx Monsoon’s involvement has not been a secret. We’ve even been teased that their character will be called Maestro, throwing fandom into a state of fervour – Maestro is another word for Master.

Anyway, we’ll get to that. At the request of Ruby Sunday the Doctor takes them to Abbey Road, 1963, to meet the Beatles and hear them play for the first time. However, things aren’t right. The Beatles aren’t very good and music is seen as rather taboo in this time – quite the opposite to the swinging sixties known to history. Something is wrong – and the Doctor is scared.

Maestro is a rather terrifying other-dimensional being, “I am…MUSIC” which is a rather interesting idea and a welcome high-sci-fi concept. They have the ability to kill people by sucking the music out of them – literally – and when the Doctor encounters them he is physically scared. This brings in mind something like ‘the old ones’ of classic Who, and i’m not far off. We are introduced to the “Pantheon” and by Maestro’s obscure mentions and rather ominous threatening, we can assume these are massive, perhaps pan-dimensional villains akin to the aforementioned Old Ones, or the Eternals, or the Guardians. The Toymaker, for example, was another of “The Pantheon.” In a word, cool.

Well, I enjoyed Devils Chord far more than its predecessor. Its stupid, and ridiculous, and certainly #NotMyDoctorWho but i have long since decided that Dr Who isn’t what it used to be when i loved it, so its now just something i enjoy. And i used the word enjoy in a rather weird way, because i truly don’t enjoy it sometimes – the entirety of the Thirteenth’s series, i’m afraid, which suffered from devastatingly bad writing and editing and even performances (Jodie was great, but couldn’t hold it all together) and then of course theres the whole thing with Clara which made my eyeballs bleed. But i enjoy hate-watching it. Its literally the only program i’d ever do this with. If i don’t like a thing, i don’t watch it. Like, you wouldn’t hate eat cheese would you??

Anyway, the doctor who rant could literally fill pages and pages of the infinite interweb so i’ll get back to this episode in question. The setting – 1963 – is very important to Doctor Who, which is why it was positively awesome when Ncuti got a lovely scene with Ruby explaining about the First Doctor being over there in Totter’s Lane, and some very intriguing mentions of his grand-daughter Susan. We all know how sneaky RTD can be… is this a foreshadow?

I mean, most of new Who is fan baiting. Even at the very top of this review theres reference to the fans going apeshit because Maestro means Master. The Doctor has already spouted mentions of The Bishop and The Rani. Mrs Flood has probably a whole wikipedia page devoted to the theories that shes Ruby’s Mum, or The Rani, or… God herself. Who knows.

Oh. Well, this is a well timed rabbit hole. So, investigating something i thought of whilst writing the previous paragraph – about the actress Susan Twist, who has now appeared in Wild Blue Yonder, Church on Ruby Road, Space Babies and this one. Of course, fandom has gone wild, but i just read the most wonderful of theories. With his grandaughter Susan mentioned, and the song “Theres always a twist at the end”, everyone is thinking either Susan is returning – perhaps as Ruby’s mum, making Ruby the Doctor’s great-grandaughter, which to be fair, would be amazing – or that Susan may even be “The One Who Waits”… given that the doctor made a point of saying he never returned to see her. (canon, anyway – see Big Finish for other ideas)

I enjoyed the sweet little cameo by June Hudson, a doctor who legend – she designed the Fourth Doctor’s attire in his latter seasons, amongst many other things. I love cameos.

The absolutely nonsense musical number that concludes this rather absolutely nonsense episode, “Theres always a twist at the end” is a meta shout out to RTDs (and Moffats) rather cliche film-making trick at keeping the audience hooked. Of course, this is nothing new. James Patterson has written about 4,576 books with this exact narrative technique at the end of every page. There was a TV show in the early 2000s called 24- you might have heard of it, it was rather obscure – in which Kiefer Sutherland was invariably hit with a plot twist or a cliffhanger at the end of every bleeding hour. Hilariously, for all my nit picking, this was probably my favourite part of the Ncuti’s series so far. Dr Who is camp. It always has been, and it is never more so than right now, so who cares if theres an Over-The-Top dance routine that looks like something out of the West Side Story. The lyrics may be rubbish but the tune is catchy and its obvious that everyones having fun. Which is what matters.

So, in conclusion. I didn’t love this episode. I found Maestro’s dialogue and indeed performance a little too ridiculous. The Toymaker – or rather, Neil Patrick Harris – managed to toe the line of silly but Jinkx went too far. Again, the editing – far less so that Space Babies, i should add – was all over the place, with unwelcome speed-ups particularly in the music battle scenes. Lee Tamahori called, wants his camera trick back. BUT Ncuti and Millie again deliver excellent, watchable performances and i do like the ideas at the show’s heart. I just fear that the payoff will fall short of my expectations, which are always unfairly high. Its my fault really.

Oh, and if there was ever a better chance to include the phrase “GoodBye, Ruby Sunday” (instead of Ruby Tuesday, Beatles fans) then this was the episode. Sadly not.

Dr Who S1 E1 – Space Babies

With the christmas special having done the hard part of setting up the arc and hinting at some of the answers we might expect to find over the next few weeks, this episode is therefore free to do whatever it wants.

Its Ruby’s first time in space, and she’s rightfully excited about it. Hey, she even makes a comment about how everyone she knows must be dead because, hey, she travels in time. So the Doctor thinks its a highly original idea to fix her phone so she can call the past. Hmmm. Hmmm okay, so Russel T Davies really wants to reignite the feelings for the show that he managed to conjure up in 2005 – but was basically cutting-and-pasting an entire scene from The End of the World really such a good idea?? I mean, Ruby, Rose, they’re practically identical. Save, perhaps, that Millie Gibson is really, really good and Billie Piper annoyed the tits out of me.

Anyway, the space station they have landed on just happens to be run by babies – Space Babies – and theres a monster running about in the jeffries tubes. Or the cargo hold. Or the lower levels, wherever it was. Half of this concept made me smile in true, I-Love-Dr-Who style. No, it wasn’t the babies. Space babies. It was the monster, which, wonderfully, was a man in a suit.

But you don’t need me to talk about the plot. Thats not why i’m writing this. I’m writing this to absolutely decimate the episode with a nitpickety assassination of every element, from performances to plot and every which way in between.

Unfortunately, you won’t get my TRUE feelings, not wholly anyway, because for some reason even if i disagree with something for a perfectly reasonable reason, if said complaint can be construed in any shape or form as discriminatory, then thats what i’ll be accused of. So you’ll get my carefully considered voracious disembowelment, which, i hope, you’ll find amusing.

Also please take into account this is my opinion. I’ve read the reviews, just to see what people think, and i’ve read things like “Ncuti is the best actor ever to play the Doctor”, and “this is the best episode of new Who ever.” Well, i disagree with both these points, the latter more so than the former, but thats my opinion and mine alone.

Ncuti Gatwa is excellent. He is a delicious role model for any young fans out there. He is independent, over the top, soulful and serious. His campness and sexuality give him a wonderful playfulness, and i’d like to think kids in the 2020s will be dressing up in his outfit. On the subject of outfit, is this the first time the Doctor changes clothes every episode? Holy hell i was excited. Now, i am a huge fan of the individual outfits, even Ecclestones after a while… but RTD has simply said, “instead of an iconic outfit, this doctor has an iconic style”. And Ncuti, your style is the bees. Sure, his energy is perhaps still another variation on David Tennant’s (and Matt Smith’s) mania, but that’s fine – i have accepted that’s what new Who is about, and that’s fine.

Millie Gibson does a remarkable job of expressing so much with her cute little face and her wardrobe department is also working overtime to make her attire smart, quirky and functional. She has managed to swerve away from the cloying, tedious ‘quirkiness’ of the likes of Clara Oswald by being soooo much more believable. This companion isn’t afraid to just believe The Doctor when he says he has two hearts… instead of bringing it up again forty minutes later a la Bill. Ruby Sunday is not stupid, and thats going to make for an excellent character going forwards.

The babies. Space babies. Sigh, now i know Doctor Who is a kids show i really do, so having babies – space babies – is not something i’m completely anathematic to. But in this… they didn’t hit the mark for me. Sure, some of them are gorgeous little bundles of poo and snot but… they can’t act! They’re babies! Space babies! See if the crew of the station were all infants then maybe – there are some fantastic child actors out there – but they’re babies!! SPACE BABIES. Of course, and this is the single reason RTD has written this whole stupid episode, saying anything else other than Space babies isn’t funny. Space Kids! Space Children! Space Younglings! No, it had to be babies. Space babies. I really hate being annoyed by this sort of thing because it makes me look like a grumpy pedant picking on the smallest of niggles but… well, but then i realise thats what i am, and i’m happy with who i am. I roast, therefore i am.

I don’t know if you’ve picked up on it yet, but the constant use of the phrase Space Babies, unrelentingly repeated throughout the entire episode, may have caused my teeth to itch.

The monster is brilliant – a highlight. I don’t care that its made of snot – the aforementioned admission that doctor who is a kid’s show allows for this silliness. But its a man in a suit and it looks ridiculous but also a little scary.

Unfortunately, in an effort to keep the monster ‘scary’ the director decides to mask its appearance with well-timed jump cuts and clever editing. Except none of the cuts are well timed and the editing is an absolute travesty. I am taken back to the Legend of the Sea Devils which has the worst editing i’ve ever seen in any form of media ever – and I’ve seen Plan 9 From Outer Space. Instead of a flowing set of images – literally the definition of film – we are treated to a jerky, jittery collection of what felt like moving telesnaps. I don’t think any single shot was more than a second long. Its as if someone has taken the original pile of shots, thrown them up in the air and then randomly stuck them back together in a line. A mess, and something i noticed not only in Chibnall’s era but in RTDs early series’. Strangely, its completely absent throughout Moffat and even in RTD’s 60th specials last year, so the edit was a choice, this time? Odd.

I was also going to complain about the use of vented methane to project the space station towards help, but i noticed online that this scene was described as the ‘space arse’ and i think that about covers it. No more comments necessary.

Now, don’t get me wrong, there were some lovely moments. Somehow, the Doctor intentionally scaring all the babies – space babies – was amusing, and the whole thing with the snow inside the spaceship… or even better, having the Doctor realise his own memories have altered? BUT there is too much that annoys me. Hey, even the opening scene with Ruby stepping on a butterfly… it was a cheap laugh and it bugged me. And i didn’t laugh at the cheap laugh, did i?

There is a wonderful new-ness about the whole thing, but this is hardly a great start. Of course, i feel this way about every bloody episode of Dr Who since that fateful day in 2005 but i’m holding out hopes that it will get better.

However, in the event that it never does reach the bar that i have set in my heavily biased head, then i’ll also be happy watching and reviewing and subsequently destroying all the mediocre episodes to come.

Barbie (2023)

Sadly i was unable to attend Barbenheimer due to work commitments but don’t worry, i made sure i kept up with the trend by catching this a week later in my local independent. I would have started my Barbenheimer review along these lines, however:

The film is a powerful message to all those that watch it. The leads are all perfect and you’ll find yourself thinking about several specific scenes in your sleep. It is without a doubt a masterpiece. It will make you cry. It will make you think. It is about the division between love and war.

The other film is about an atomic bomb.

Hahah see what i did there?

Barbie is not what you think its going to be. The Barbie that we know and … well, i can’t say love because i never had a Barbie (or a Ken) and i think the only exposure i had to them was in Toy Story 3 – but as far as the world is aware Barbie was a franchise of dolls for young girls. The message was as star trekkish as possible – infinite diversity in infinite combinations. Asian Barbie, Stewardess Barbie, Lawyer Barbie, African Barbie, Pregnant Barbie (discontinued), and i’d be surprised if there wasn’t a goth Barbie, a Wiccan Barbie, a Barbie the Vampire Slayer or a Jedi Barbie. Heck, they even had a camp man doll called Alan, who liked to hang about with girls but was probably not gay, just in touch with his feminine side. On this note, my best friend (a girl) immediately referred to me as an ‘Alan’. So read into that what you will!

When the film starts we are introduced to EXACTLY what you expect. An over the top, comedic musical number that displays our heroine as a plastic, stereotypical doll-woman who lives in a magical place called Barbieland. Did i mention shes insanely beautiful? Well, Margot Robbie, so yes, she is.

She waves good morning, good evening and goodnight to all her neighbouring Barbies, before heading to the beach and meeting the Kens.

Stereotypical Ken wants nothing more that Barbie’s love and attention, and he will do anything to get it, including false macho moves and bitch-fights with his fellow diverse Kens. Did i mention he’s insanely beautiful? Well, Ryan Gosling, so yes, he is.

However, not long after the whole film starts to change tone. Barbie starts to worry about death. She starts to lose her doll-like traits. Its almost like…she’s becoming more human.

Sent to ‘weird barbie’ – played by the SNL comedian and former Ghostbuster Kate McKinnon (who represents all the Barbie’s that you sadistic girls would torture and experiment on! What can i say however – i definitely used to run over my action men in their own tanks) – and Barbie is sent to The Real World to reconnect with her human. Confused yet? This is no rom-com: this is a surreal journey of messages, morals and men with their tops off.

I won’t bore you with the further details of the plot – but i will tell you that prepare for some dramatic twists you probably won’t expect… and some amazing musical numbers along the way. Also, prepare to hate the patriarchy. And toxic masculinity.

As a man, i actually found this film quite depressing. It portrays men as the overlords and unfortunately, its not incorrect. I hate the still-inequality existing today. It makes me clench my fists. Its utterly insane, utterly wrong and the message that this film delivers is both hard-hitting and inarguably important.

However, director Greta Gerwig is not afraid to poke fun at her fellow womenfolk. America Ferrera (amazing) has a glorious monalogue which highlights her need for comfy pillows, nice dresses and, of course, BBC’s Pride and Prejudice. Similarly, she highlights the softness of Men: this Ken is no Henry Cavill or Arnold Schwarzenegger or Jean Claude Van Damme – this is Ryan Gosling. He has a penchant for wooly jackets and his transformation across the movie is captivating. Particularly his anxiety which i found deliciously relatable.

I have read numerous reviews that say Ken steals the show. He does not. Yes hes great, but the real star is Barbie herself. Yes, unfeasibly attractive, but Margot Robbie has already proved shes far more that a pretty face and her comedic timing and dramatic moments are exemplarly. Nay, they are sublime.

I will say confidently that there are 25 minutes of the best film ever made in here. “I am Ken” is a showstopper. My face actually hurt real pain because i was grinning so much.

It was also cool to see Ncuti Gatwa as one of the Kens – not long until he commands the TV as everyones favourite inspector spacetime, and Kingley Ben-Adir was frankly disturbing, as i’d literally just seen him beat the shit out of Sam Jackson on Disney +.

My faults? Well, all those that know me will not be surprised when i say Will Ferrell. I didn’t find anything he did or said remotely amusing. So that was a shame. I just don’t get his humour.

Go see this.

I’m away to buy a rainbow hoodie because i AM Kenough.