Strip the Willpower

This title goes hand in bloodied hand with the phrase “where theres a will theres a way”, which is a nice proverb that basically means, “if you try hard enough you’ll succeed.” However, if the drive to keep trying (your willpower) is taken from you, (stripped), then there is no will to find your way.

The process of strippage could be a chronic one; the gradual loss of energy, the continual build up of negativity and low productivity. Consistent and repetitive lack of success or even recognition. Or, equally but probably more dramatic, an acute and sudden event that instantly tears down any walls, rips to shreds any weak links and results in the iconic “i quit!” scenario. See also, “I give up.”

This usually accompanies the tossing of ones tools into the sea, or swearing in the face of an authority figure and telling said figure to go ‘f**k themselves*.

For the purposes of this blog i am in the process of having my willpower stripped. So i am at some end of a spectrum, far closer to ‘giving up’ than i am ‘confident and continuously trying again’. Despite Yoda’s mantra there is only so much i can do.

The act of strippage is being performed by operations not one hundred per cent identifiable.

Every day is a struggle. Not a physical one, by any means – a mental one. Theres a running joke between myself and my work bestie that we text each other a single acronym: CBA. (or, extreme circumstances, CBF). It stands for Can’t Be Arsed. I’ll let you and your imagination concoct what the F might stand for in the alternative.

To prove my very point; i started writing this post alongside my diary entry of the same title on the 2nd September. Its now the 15th. That’s how much my enthusiasm is vacuumed out of existence by daily exhaustion and work-related depression. The kind of depression that resembles quicksand; it just grabs you, sucks you into a dark place and leaves you there, bereft of life.

Its so unfair because when there is a will, my way is clear. I’ll write something brief during a break in the chaos and think, damn in those moments i felt excellent. But then like hammer unto anvil i am thrust back to reality and into the spiralling, torturous nightmare that is.

Time i think, to start to compose the book “Pink Shampoo,” and i think Strip the Willpower is a good chapter title. To accompany ‘The Glorious Fall’ and “Rock Bum Barrel” – but only i will know what those titles actually refer to. My prerogative as writer.

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